I guess this would be my domain for oh too many reasons

My work is killing my inner child, I can't withstand such a level of responsibility for 20+ people I'm supposed to guide and even boss around a little. Perfection or fucking die, I don't know how I've got to this point, but here I am.

I feel like I'm not very good at anything I do whatsoever, it doesn't even matter what - just everything. I feel terrified to disappoint almost everyone I know, even though I realize I'm working at the moment for free for this new group (just to prove I can do this to get a job), and I'm doing shit I've never ever done before and my new boss knows it. My new boss believes I can do it and now I'm down to my animal instincts and sense of honor for fcks sake just to get through this period till summer and keep hers good faith in me. Like an idiot I'm actually trying to determine the level of her potential disappointment by her tone towards me today I keep recalling in my mind, that's how far down the hill my sanity has felled. I've cried my soul out today after weeks of this kind of stress and now I'm just numb.

The funny thing is I'm getting almost positive responses from some of my new teammates so to speak, and yet a slightest mistake, all the flaws I know are there in my latest work which is a terrible monstrosity, are overshadowing whatever success I've achieved, in my own eyes, because I sincerely believe that my mistakes are the only things people do care about and notice and everything whatever scrappy good I do is simply due by default. Story of my life, i can't even... Goddammit, I'm constantly struggling to objectively analyze, am I actually that bad as I feel like or am I just overcriticizing myself to death.